Thursday, March 21, 2013

A Self Portrait

Those are not balloons between their legs.

I see my two little 4 year olds as complete individuals, so much so that I sometimes forget that they are actually identical Twins and that people may have difficulty telling them apart.

Having another set of identical twins in the house last weekend reminded me just how hard it can be to tell twins apart. It also reminded me how far we had come with our own. For the first couple of years of their lives their Brother Charles, who is 2 years older, couldn't tell them apart at all. He would regularly be heard saying things like "Mum, the red one hit the green one!" or "the blue one is crying" or "the striped one put a fly in his mouth and ate it". One night in between spoonfuls of Spaghetti he declared that he could now tell the Boys apart. They were 3. 

Because of the special bond that Twins naturally share, we have tried hard to balance that by treating them as the individuals that they are and letting their own personalities develop organically. Without sounding like we are undertaking our own social experiment, it has been really fascinating watching them form their own identities. It still intrigues me that there are any differences in personality at all given that they are genetically identical and have barely spent a second of their lives apart. As far as the nature versus nurture theory goes, they have had the exact same experiences. But different they are, even if we are splitting hairs.

It usually takes a stranger to bring me back to the fact they are identical. We were recently at the Barber and were asked which Twin wanted the "Bieber" and which one was going to have the "Buzzcut". The Barber clearly thought they needed a different hairstyle to make it easier to tell them apart. "Oh! Can we just do the normal short back and sides today?". Sheesh, they're only 4, plenty of time down the track for them to decide whether or not they want to follow the teen celebrity of the day. 

I've never wanted to purposely distinguish them from each other with a permanent feature such as a hairstyle, clothing style or tattoo (I've seen people do this!) and up until this year there hasn't been a need. Friends and family can tell them apart (now) and if we are with someone new, I will introduce them according to how they appear at that moment "Noah is Superman today" or "This is George with the massive bruise on his shin".

Now that they are at School and wearing identical School Uniforms, for the first time they are encountering people getting them mixed up all day long. It's mostly their school friends but the boys are getting used to correcting them. Their Teacher usually picks out something in the morning and remembers it during the day, usually one has his socks pulled up to his knees and the other rolled down to his ankles.  

Although we have spent much time encouraging and focussing on their differences, today I was reminded that it's also important to celebrate their Twin-ness too. At the bottom of George's school bag was a crumpled drawing. "It's my self-portrait", he said. "It's me and Noah. We are Pirates holding our treasure maps". So cute I almost cried. 


EDIT: After reading your comments I felt the need to add that before I had Twins, I fell into the trap of just saying "hello" to an identical twin and even having a conversation with them without even knowing which twin I might be talking to. Having spoken to others about this, I know it's a fairly common thing to do because you feel bad that you can't tell them apart. As a Mum of identical Twins now,  my biggest worry is that people will similarly not bother to address them at all because they are worried or embarrassed about getting them mixed up. I think it is better to have a go (there's a 50% chance you'll get it right!) or just ask them what their name is rather than not make any effort at all. They are fully aware people don't know who they are straight away and will be happy you're trying :-)

I have no idea who's who when I look back at this photo. Just saying :-)


34 comments :

  1. Love that sweet little drawing.
    You are one lucky mummy having twins amongst your beautiful brood.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow Mel, my boys are five years apart yet still their mutual kindergarten teacher called the younger by his older brother's name....it must be incredibly difficult for a teacher having identical twins in the class...especially if it took their own brother 3 years to be able to tell them apart! Thank God you said no to the 'Bieber' hair cut! Rx

    ReplyDelete
  3. "The red one hit the green one"! That has made me laugh so much. The drawing of how George sees himself is so touching, one to frame I think.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So cute I almost cried too!! My friend has identical twin girls aged 3. I feel so cross with myself when I struggle to tell them apart. Charles has made me feel better about it now! Like you, my friend sees them as 2 distinct individuals. That last photo is divine xxx Sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't ever worry about getting twins mixed up - they are fully aware that it's hard for others to tell them apart. I think it's more important for identical twins to see that people at least try though by asking their names than not making an effort at all x

      Delete
  5. I can't imagine having identical twins, and I often feel quietly grateful my girls are fraternal. They are so different, there's never been an issue with telling them apart (if you don't count my MIL, who struggled for the first year...) and I don't even really think of them as twins. They're just "the girls"! Your boys are completely gorgeous xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is such a balanced way of looking at things..to celebrate their likenesses and their differences. I like their imaginations!

    ReplyDelete
  7. awww..that is just the sweetest Mel..what an amazing story to share. I love his self portrait (with his brother!)...now, in that last photo...were they jumping into the water fully clothed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! No, there's a beach there but I wouldn't put it past them doing something like that :-)

      Delete
  8. Oh that drawing is so precious (maps? balloons? ??)
    I just love how Charles used to talk about them!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The maps they are holding are George's interpretation of the "X marks the spot" apparently. The balloons between their legs are the slightly misplaced male anatomy :-)

      Delete
  9. So cute! They will have lots of fun with their identical-ness as they get older I'm sure! x

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a lovely post Mel. I had to laugh at the "blue" and "green one" comment! I find twin studies quite fascinating, as there are quite a few nature vs nurture studies out there. Love their little picture Mel :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awww, those drawings the kids do ALWAYS tug at my heart strings too. Your twinnies are delightful and I tend to agree, plenty of time for them to forge ahead on their own path when it comes to style and looks etc... if they so choose to do so. Just such a special relationship, they really are blessed to have that xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  12. My husband wished for twins during our pregnancies... Two for the price of one was his logic. I'm not sure about that, but reading your post made me engage in a little wishful thinking too. Touching and beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Best of friends! I'm glad you are allowing them just to be themselves, they may look the same but I bet they are very different inside! :) x

    ReplyDelete
  14. I had to smile when you described their big brother failing to identify them for three years... The photo at the end is lovely. I'm sure their friends at school will work it out before long, it's the teacher I feel for though! Meredith x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, their poor teacher! I did suggest she just put a name tag on their tops but she's adamant about not making a big deal about it and finding other ways to tell them apart x

      Delete
  15. What beautiful little boys ... love the last picture ... Bee xx

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh mel, i love this so much, what a beautiful post. i love the self-portrait, so so special. i am in tears for the beauty of this tender post and for the memories it brought back to me. when i was expecting my fourth child, it was not one baby but three, triplets. at around 6 months gestation i lost my twins, the shock and sorrow comes back from time to time, but i am thankful everyday that my son jacob was born (a little early and small) but gorgeous and healthy, and in may will be graduating university, prelaw! thank you for sharing my friend. xxx lori

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agh! Lori, I'm so so sorry...can't bear hearing such stories and can't even imagine your pain. Will e-mail you lovely lady x

      Delete
  17. i love how George drew a blue one and a red one....was that for Charles benefit!!....so lovely. i would of teared up at that pic too x

    ReplyDelete
  18. You're truly blessed Mel, but I'm sure you know that. Though hard to realise over the top of the washing pile some days I'm sure. It absolutely fascinates me that identical twins have differences at all ... to my mind the identical genetic coding should mean identical appearance and personality. Moreso when brought up in exactly the same environment. You're doubly blessed ... not only do you have this beautiful pair of boys, but also a genetic experiment to observe every day!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I was best buddies with a twin when I was in primary school. I could tell them apart easily whilst others couldn't. As we grew up we grew apart, with me going to uni and Sarah doing other things. The funny thing now is that I can no longer tell them apart.It's quite frustrating!

    ReplyDelete
  20. What lovely boys! Thanks for the insight. It is fascinating imagining the difference between parenting twins and singles.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Mum the blue one is hitting the red one" That is so funny Mel. How wonderful to have twin boys (that's on my wishlist). Love your insight into parenting twins xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As funny as it is, I hope it goes without saying that we tried really hard to discourage this way of naming his brothers x

      Delete
  22. Gorgeous, Mel. My identical twin girls are 6, about to turn 7, and we've been along the same road as you. I've got the photos where I can't tell them apart and still get it wrong if I am standing above them (when they're in the bath) or from behind/side on. My girls are so alike there's nothing at first glance to help, excepting a freckle on a chin! When they wear one another's clothes in the holidays I'll be having to think twice all day!!! This year I'm their class teacher 2 days a week and even I'm finding it hard sometimes to get it right in the busy-ness of the classroom. Being girls, they wear ribbons so have always worn set colours at school to help their friends and teachers. Yellow ribbons for Ruby as there is a 'y' in Ruby! Hats on outside make that unhelpful so we've gone with a small green or yellow button sewn on the collar of their uniform. They understand they're alike but really don't like people getting it wrong. There are small differences in personality but I can honestly say they are so alike. Style, toys, books, sleeping patterns, appetite, interests, learning etc. Their PIPS test results in Prep were three points apart in Feb and exactly the same in Dec (despite being out of 200 and plenty of room for difference!) They truly are a blessing, best friends for each other and your boys seem to be that for each other. Delightful drawing. A keeper I reckon. )

    ReplyDelete
  23. I loved reading about Charles and the "red one" and the "blue one" - that's just gold (and red and blue!)

    Twins fascinate me - I mean that respectfully, I don't gawk! Thank you for these marvellous personal insights, Mel. x

    ReplyDelete
  24. I had a green one and a blue one. Nanna liked to dress them identically when she took them for rides or babysat.
    Funny thing is they weren't even identical! The importance of the individual in her day was not as over rated as it is now but I did dislike those matchy matchy outfits!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is the sweetest, most touching post. What a unique bond your boys will have. And their teacher sounds great, by the way. That drawing is so funny! And lovely too. x

    ReplyDelete